Third Round of Chemo

I haven't written a lot lately because Austin has been doing well after this second round of chemo. No news is good news, right? He has been home since the 2nd of June and the plan is to go in on Monday the 12th to start his 3rd round. They cut back one of his drugs for this last round and they also hyper hydrated him so his mucositis would be less severe, and I am happy to report that it has been so much better this this round. There are parts of me that think did they give him enough chemo??? Are we going to regret cutting back on that one drug? I hope not. Then I push those thoughts aside, but they do creep up once in a while. I have to remind myself that every round is different and his reaction not a direct correlation to how well the chemo is working.

My dad has been out here and has helped with a TON of projects. It has been good to spend time with him and learn from him since he is so handy. He is so good to the kids. He took Austin fishing and brings Henry dough nuts. He takes Emma to school and loves on her. Thank you dad for coming!!!

Austin had an ultra sound on Monday and it looks like everything is the same. The big tumor is not there and the small 1 centimeter lesions on his liver are still the same size. The doctors are not concerned about it as they have not changed size and the lesions might just be dead tissue left from the tumors. He will get a PET scan to see the activity of the cancer cells after this next round. I am so nervous, sometimes I get sick to my stomach when I think about it. The doctor also told us that they do not do regularly  scheduled scans after the patient goes into remission. Say what?! They will do a scan if there are any symptoms. That was a hard pill to swallow. I think they will need to explain that a little more as I find it really strange. The doctor is very optimistic that he will ok based on how the large tumor melted away after the first round and there is no growth on the ultra sound.

I am really good at keeping my emotions in check under pressure, but when I actually have time to sit and think about it I struggle to keep it together. It's frustrating since I just want to enjoy Austin's time here at home while he's here. It's been so good to have him home. He has a feeding tube now and he sleeps in our room. He has been playing a lot of video games. On the days that he seems to be feeling better he even does some chores and reading. There are moments that we feel normal which is great. Then there are moments that it still hits us like a train and we grieve. Grief is a funny thing. I liken it to waves upon the sand, sometimes it's calm and predictable and other times a huge wave will come unexpectedly and throw me on my butt. I'll cry at the most unexpected times, about sometimes silly things, and then be fine. There is no rhyme or reason to it. From my experience you just have to give it time and roll with it. The process is painful but it does get better. Ben and I have grieved for Austin since the first time he was sick. We were sad that he would have to have a life filled with medical procedures, problems, and worries. That he would need a new kidney one day, and he had a higher chance of getting cancer than the average person. So I guess we have some experience with it, but this time it feels like the stakes are higher and the sadness feels more intense.

We have received some amazing packages in the mail. We have received mail from friends and both of the kids classes. Thank you all for your generosity, thoughtfulness, kindness, and prayers. Personally, I am so grateful for the uplifting notes mailed to us. I will treasure them. The ward is bringing us dinner 3 times a week which has been wonderful. Our t-shirt campaign sold over our goal and many people were so generous in donating to that and to our gofundme. We are using the money to help with plane tickets for those that are coming out to help us and to fly Emma out to Texas to visit friends. It is nice to have a cushion and not have to worry so much about having to pay for added expenses like air travel, parking, eating out at the hospital. Thank you everyone!